The secret diary of too many girls...

Insane, inside, the danger gets me high

I’m walking the short distance in the nightly Shimmerward between this non-descriptive house I spent the evening in to where I want to spent the night. Astrid Beck isn’t exactly the kind of person you spend the night with. I had said my goodbye with a talkative smile while she was still lounging on her bed in this blank, transitional house of hers. Leaving with an unvoiced understanding between us that will be hard to convey.

Victims in three-figures. A massive amount though not surprising. The sheer deadly power and wit contained in this blemished body of hers is still clouding my senses like a heady perfume on my body. I felt like a fake mirror image of hers with my white pristine skin in contrast to the scars on hers that told a story of extrem pain, both physical and mentally, but also perseverance. I’m well aware that she’s using me as I am using her, at least partially. A play with fire. The embers of our respective futures are kindled where we could be each others oil to let our flames flicker higher and burn brighter with cold calculation. As well as the kindled embers of unabashed physical satisfaction, enhanced by who and what we are. Maybe it could be a real friendship if we at one point would let the guards down, knowing full well that exactly what and who we are could let it go up in flames in a blink of an eye.

But all of that lies in a yet untold future. A future Tharan and I are starting to mould after our will. I’m not quite sure if he yet fully grasps the scope of what we’re doing and of the impact it could have because of who and what he and I are. I think, he is becoming more and more aware of the role he could play if he’s inclined to do it, but still, I believe, most of it is still surreal to him. I think, more often than not he feels like he’s trying to live up to expecations or some written script and doesn’t yet fully understand that he is the one who shapes and moulds and leads. He’s too used of being a nobody that just fulfils some duties that are assigned to him. I think the idea that he is somebody that people will look to for guidance, for salvation, for leadership scares him and so he tries to not see it most of the time. But when he forgets that he forces himself to not see and actually just acts as what and who he is, he’s brilliance and assertiveness. And then, shortly after, he’s back to being unsure and pulls back the blinds that let him forget who he truly is or will be. It seems as if only in our Soul Assembly range he can accept his position and feels safe with it. A random wild idea we had which now is birthed and with being only a few months old is already in full swing. It’s out there in the open now, it’s working, and in the upcoming weeks there will be insignias and hopefully contracts. But I still think that most people that we have involved and informed are still kind of blind to its extent. Perhaps because it’s so new and we’ve established it tiny step by tiny step under the radar. I’m not sure if even Tharan is fully aware though he was standing in our prison today which houses persons of high treason, the most serious crime in law, that are sentenced to death in one country and will be sentenced to death in our kingdom too as soon as the case is out in the open. Persons we oversee now where we decide who has access to them and what happens with them. Persons that posed a massive risk to millions of people. And are involved in a case that still poses a risk of monumental magnitude where he and I are in leading agent roles. Leaders of people listen to our words. I’m really not sure he fully grasps that or perhaps doesn’t want to out of fear of making mistakes. I hope our journey to Vasselheim will instill more strength and confidence in him.

We’ve already achieved incredible things together and I know, that even though many trials await, our future will be incredible too. As my adrenalin surges with the thought I can feel arcane power trickle through and over my new tattoos, a flash of green flickers over the back of my hands. “Shit, I love life,” I think with a subdued laughter as I turn into a misty cloud and sneak into my spouses’ bedroom.